When my nephew turned three, I bought him what turned out to be a successful gift, a children’s mop and bucket. The bucket had a funny face on it, and was labeled “Henry”. Off my nephew tootled to clean the family room floor. He chuckled as he sloshed water around and cheekily mopped up our feet, making everyone laugh. I was delighted by his delight.
However, it must be said, I would not buy cleaning equipment as a birthday gift for an adult friend.
Bewilderment and maybe even suspicion, would surely arise between us…It would remind my friend of duties not done, or perhaps suggest they were not being done well enough!
For a child, play is everywhere, it is how they engage with forces, and build their world. On the other hand, for an adult to be reduced to childishness is no honour. A childish adult is no fun.
For an adult the place of light hearted play is more difficult to reach. Modes of exchange have often been calcified through years of habit, from logics formed when we were children. We get stuck in whirlpools of worry and pressure, decision making, the need to control and be seen to be in control. We are not forgiven for our faux pas in the same way as when we were little.
Around us these days, games are everywhere. Serious things have been ‘gamified’. We are surrounded by and forced to engage with, Zoom and Moodle, PayPal, Uber, Whoop, and of course Google. To pay for parking, spin the wheel! We are urged to earn points for this, win points for that!
These forums and apps are meant to represent serious places of communication, information and exchange for adults. Why are they named this? With names like that, are they supposed to be more approachable? Lighter? Are they supposed to make our duties more fun?
For me they feel infantile, depressing, with a pressure to be falsely cheerful. An idea of childhood fun, rather than actual childhood, which is rich with emotion and battle.
Since when does play, and lightness have to look childish?
And why is the idea of adult responsibility seen as so heavy that it has to be turned into a game to be made palatable…Must we name our mop Henry in order to have any hope of enjoying the day?
How to retain a sense of pleasure and lightness amongst all this pressure. How to enjoy and welcome the complexity of maturity. How to overthrow the inner child, and instead look clearly to our future.
Interestingly it is a confrontation with mortality, rather than using all these very cheery apps, that can bring relief to the internal and external pressures. Once in contact with reality, spaces can become less loaded, choices simpler.
Accepting our childhood and also leaving it behind, clears the way for the space of actual play.
Perhaps this is the art of adulthood. Expecting, or yearning for it to have the freedom of childhood does not open us to the actual opportunity of the day.
Perhaps our needs are smaller than we think. Perhaps just taking the pressure off and allowing the day to have some space and gentle satisfaction, some humour even, would be enough.
We don’t need our tools named Moodle, Zoom and Doodle to help us ‘lighten up’. They are supposedly tools to help us live- what sort of living though, the question must be asked.
How often do we miss out on a nourishing state of fun because the bar is simply set too high, too bright?
